Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive, and will come forth later, in uglier ways - Sigmund Freud
Dating Dead – Agastya
After a heart-breaking end of my toxic relationship, it was quite unease for me to find a new one or to trust people easily. My nightmares resumed when I landed on a strange dating app.
My name is Amy, and I am 21. I work at a coffee shop during the day, which pays me quite decent amount. Decent enough to pay the rent of a two-room apartment, I share with my roommate, Natasha.
Natasha has always been supportive. She would motivate me, and hear all my problems unwearyingly.
It was one winter morning, when she told me about this new dating app – Krack&Match.
After hours of dealing with her yapping and motivation speech, I decided to download the app & find a date otherwise she would ruin the dates of my lifespan torturing me with her ‘HOW-TO-BE-THE-TOP-ONE-PERCENT’ motivation speeches.
Krack&Match wasn’t a popular app, it came to existence recently. Natasha is into internet surfing and her cup of tea is discovering new apps, new websites and all sort of absurd stuffs. She said that she can’t see me in such a heart-broken, all-time-depressed phase, and sent me the app’s link (which she never actually used though).
I clicked the link she had sent me, downloaded it and logged in to the app. The screen appeared with this amethyst background and a logo ‘K&M’, symbolizing the app’s name.
It asked me for my name, I entered: Amy Edwards
It asked me for my age and then a bio, which the app said should be ‘cool’ & ‘seductive’, I took minutes in typing:
21. Aries. Virginia.
Poet sometimes and loves sketching
Into stargazing, cooking, listening to music, watching crime documentaries & reading fiction.
The last thing it asked me was for a photo, and I uploaded one where I was wearing this yellow t-shit, standing before the Eiffel Tower, my blonde hairs falling all over my bony shoulders & my hazel eyes was covered with sunglasses. This photo was clicked by Natasha during our France tour.
My eyes rolled to the clock, it was already 11:09 a.m. and my shift was to start at sharp 11:30 a.m.
I had no time to explore the app. Already getting late for work, if I squander any time on swiping and getting matches from boys here, my cafe owner will not pay me a single penny.
And after breakup, I realized two things –
1) Never trust someone too much.
2) Love can’t feed you for life, so just go for work because the Cafe owner can!
*******
I returned by 8 p.m. Natasha was already in. She had cooked the dinner tonight, and I never know why, but whenever she cooks, the aroma of the Indian Tadaka (which she loves a lot) fills the air of our apartment.
She opened the door; greeted me with a smile & asked me about my day.
She really cares about me.
“Got any matches?” She asked with fervent face.
“I don’t know...I didn’t get time to check my phone yet.” I responded.
“You’re pretty, there must be a match!” She winked.
We were on the couch, I unlocked my Iphone, entered the pin.
2-2-1-0.
It was my Ex’s birth date. I must change it or he will still be lingering in my head.
I opened the app. Natasha’s eyes all focused on my phone, like a kid watching some sparkling thing for the first time.
It showed a request from some guy whose name was not mentioned, also this user had a blurry photo - no face was visible, only outline of someone playing guitar. I read his bio:
@TheRockStar22 :
6’0. Gym freak & nicely-ripped.
Hi, I’m a guitarist. I like to sing, write songs! I am 22 years old living in Virginia. Send a match if you find this guy attractive.
I accepted his friend request & in seconds, he texted me:
@TheRockStar22 :
Hey!
@AmyE_dwards21 :
Hello!
@TheRockStar22 :
“You look so damn hot, you’re really drop-dead gorgeous!”
@AmyE_dwards21 :
“Thank you!”
@TheRockStar22 :
“Wanna catch up?”
@AmyE_dwards21 :
“Uh...let’s first know each other”
“Haha! Such a despo!” Natasha giggled, her eyes still fixed on my phone.
@TheRockStar22 :
“You already know me”
@AmyE_dwards21 :
“Do I?”
@TheRockStar22 :
“Yeh, of course you do!”
@AmyE_dwards21 :
“How?”
@TheRockStar22 :
“Amy....we have met before.”
@AmyE_dwards21:
“Where? I don’t remember”
@TheRockStar22 :
“You look pretty in yellow.”
@AmyE_dwards21 :
“Yeh, that’s great move to change the topic, but are we really known? If so, what’s your name?”
@TheRockStar22 :
“Dan.”
Shivers ran down my spine when I read that name.
Dan was my love. Dan was my ex-boyfriend. This isn’t possible. How can he even text?
My heart was hammering in my chest with a brisk pace, slamming heavily against my ribs.
Natasha slightly shifted her posture, her face turning pale. Until now, she was all good, smiling but now, I could sense fear over her face.
I read his bio again: guitarist & a singer, it resembles with Dan’s hobbies but this couldn’t be Dan, I am sure it’s not him.
He sent a photo.
Those blue eyes, staring me from the other side of phone, He was wearing the black shirt, I gifted him on his 22nd birthday.
He send another: where we both were in a club, clinging drinks. I was wearing a red dress and he was wearing a blue coat.
Overwhelmed with haunt, I closed the app.
By now, Natasha was already in state of sheer terror. Breathing heavily, shivering with fear, moving here and there in the living room, clinging her phone, dialing her boyfriend, Jason - he too wasn't picking up her phone call.
A notification popped on my phone's screen:
NEW : from Krack&Match...
@TheRockStar22 sent a video file & 4 unread messages!
With rush of adrenaline, I clicked the notification, unaware of the chaos to be crept in:
@TheRockstar22 is typing...
@TheRockStar22:
“Do you believe me now, Amy?”
“You there?”
“Wanna see something?
“Here, watch this!!”
[Video file]
I played the video & my phone dropped as soon as I saw it. Natasha glanced at me and picked up my phone to see what it was.
She stood frozen, like a statue, all in silence, later followed by her wailing sadness with the blend of gripping horror.
Tears rolled down her eyes, in agony; in dread.
The video was of Jason. Natasha’s boyfriend. Lifeless, stabbed with knife brutally. Jason was dead. Natasha’s boyfriend was dead.
We both were petrified watching this sinister deed.
Dan cannot do it. How can he do it? It’s unfeasible!
Natasha’s phone rang. It was from Jason,
If Jason was alive, who did we see in the video?
With trembling hands, Natasha picked up the phone & put it on speaker.
“H-H-Hello, Jason? Jason, are you there? Jason, are you fine? Jason?” She said in a panicking voice.
“Natasha! So delightful to hear from you after days! How are you doing? Where is my love, Amy? Would you hand on the phone to her?”
A shrill voice replied. It wasn’t Jason on the other side.
Jason was dead.
It was Dan.
But then how can he talk?
He was dead too, and the dead doesn’t talk?
We, with our own hands killed Dan. Dan was dead!
Natasha, all in state of shock, quietly handed the phone to me, got to her feet and went to the bedroom, all wailing.
“AMY, I KNOW YOU ARE LISTENING!” said Dan, from the other side of the phone.
“WHY DID YOU DO IT AMY? DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME?”
“ALL THOSE PROMISES OF YOURS? WERE THEY NOTHING BUT SUGAR-COATED LIES?”
I began to sob.
“WHY DID YOU KILL ME, AMY?”
The probing question was peeling me off. The gravelly voice made me gasping for breath.
“IT IS TOO COLD HERE”
“PLEASE COME WITH ME”
“AMY?”
The call ended.
**********
It was 17th of December. The day, we killed Dan.
The day, we buried him. The day, we buried the past, and decided to separate ways after the business was done.
Natasha, Jason & I were university friends. Our childhood was full of hardships where we would struggle daily for bread. It was all the plans of Jason, asking us to honey trap a guy, richer than us in all ways of finance and once we would get his money, we would bid farewell to this struggling life and live a life of comfort. Natasha & I agreed and Dan, from our university was an easy pull for me.
I spent months with him, his simple innocent persona made me highly addicted to him. I began to like him.
Then the cold day of December crept in. Jason, Natasha, I and Dan decided to meet for a picnic in the woods.
Dan unaware of what fate had kept for him. The plan was never to kill him but our desires lurking in ourselves motivated us to perform such deed.
Jason hands clawed over the neck of Dan. Dan was fighting for life, looking me with a sympathetic glance of hope to save him.
I did nothing but watch him, gasping for breath.
Life leaking from him. He fought to survive but was no match for Jason.
Jason chocked him to death. He killed my love. He killed Dan.
But I stood there. I didn’t save him. I watched. I stood there for his money. For a better life. For a future.
We buried him somewhere profound in the woods, took his car and left. We were to leave States after a week but now, I feel it’s all over.
It was over the day I choose this path. It was over the day I betrayed Dan. It was over the day we killed him.
It’s all over.
THUD! THUD! THUD!
Someone was outside our apartment, banging the door loudly.
THUD! THUD! THUD!
Natasha and I gave each other glances with fear clearly visible in our eyes.
Suddenly, the banging stopped. It was all ghost-quite silence. We could even hear our breathing.
The lights began to flicker.
All darkness in the room now, it took me some time to adjust my eyes in the dark.
“Natasha? You there?” I said in a tone dripping with fear, moving my hands here and there to get hold of something as survival instincts.
“Natasha?” I whispered again.
The light came back. In front of me, on the couch was the lifeless body of Natasha & her eyes wide open with fear as if she encountered something uncanny when she died.
The lights went off again.
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